Feeling sad and alone on Valentine’s Day? Here’s how to be single, alone and yet feel happy and loved especially on Valentine’s Day.
Have you ever hit a low like my client, Jane, after she broke up with her boyfriend in early December?
Jane was tearful, anxious and stressed out mainly because she dreaded being alone over the holidays of Christmas, New Year and after that, she sobbed harder, “Valentine’s Day in February.”
From my 20-years experience and thousands of hours with clients like Jane, baffled by their intense response to the trauma of rejection and separation, I can say with total certainty (in 99% of cases) that her pain and hurt links back to early childhood.
I look to the part of her called her INNER CHILD. This part has a memory of loss, heartache or abandonment that likely occurred before the age of six – but may in some cases be when she was older or in her teens.
Your “Inner Child” offers a powerful way to heal heartbreak and loneliness in your adult love relationship challenges.
Feelings of hurt buried alive never die. You can be 20, 30, 40 even 60-plus years of age and become overwhelmed by heartache that drenches you in a torrent of pain that makes you feel as vulnerable as a teenager (or three to six-year-old.)
All unprocessed pain from the past – going back to early childhood – and stored in the “emotional brain” – can cripple your chances of attracting and keeping true love NOW.
Shops are Full of Valentine’s Red
While the shops are bursting with RED RED RED symbols of love – flowers, chocolates, cards – your heart feels like it’s smashed into pieces and depression and sadness can become acute.
In Jane’s case, her frantic feelings stemmed from the time when age 5 she felt helpless and hopeless seeing her father move out after her parents agreed to separate.
Her Inner Child didn’t understand how to cope with seeing her mother heart-broken and to watch her father leave making her feel unwanted and sad.
Once we did the work I describe below in this article, she felt self-empowered, hopeful and happier… immediately.
Sure, her heart still ached about the break up with her boyfriend of 10 months.
But I showed her how to comfort and help her Inner Child in a way that made her feel capable and confident of her life moving forward as Adult Jane.
Your Inner Child needs You
Louise Hay, acclaimed best-selling author and healer wrote:
“It doesn’t matter how old you are, there is a little child within who needs love and acceptance. If you’re a woman, no matter how self-reliant you are, you have a little girl who’s very tender and needs help. If you’re a man, no matter how macho you are, you still have a little boy inside who craves warmth and affection.”
I learned to be alone yet happy on Valentine’s Day in my 50s after my 25 years marriage crumbled into divorce.
With energy psychology tools like The Journey, EFT Tapping and EFT Matrix Reimprinting I delved into – and healed – my subconscious Younger Self holding the pain of a childhood with an alcoholic father and submissive mother who I couldn’t save no matter how much I longed to see her BREAK FREE.
I did years of “INNER CHILD” healing on myself and my clients with the tools I share in this article:
EFT Tapping and the Law of Attraction
“Other hand” dialogue in a Journal.
Both help you find and connect with your Inner Child – fast, easy and effectively. This helps you overcome buried hurts from the past so you become stronger and more in control of your feelings in the present.
This is definitely the antidote to feeling alone and unhappy on Valentine’s Day – even if you are single…
Why it Works
As vulnerable children – especially before the age of six – we soak up everything that happens to us like sponges.
If we were scolded, we tended to believe that there was something wrong with us.
If our older siblings rejected and ridiculed us in front of their friends that old fear can lurk inside causing us to fear rejection and abandonment and falsely believing we are never going to be “good enough” to be loved and truly accepted.
Here are two tools you can use yourself or with a trained coach/practitioner to help you – or someone you know – break free from heartache or obsessing about public love celebrations like Valentine’s Day.
EFT-Tapping also called” Emotional Acupuncture” involves tapping on certain meridian points while you tune into the memories associated with the feelings you have in the session. It releases anxiety and calms down the fight/flight/freeze part of the brain called the amygdala (where emotions are stored).
Start off saying: “Even though I have this heartache, I deeply and completely love and forgive myself.
Tapping around the body on the meridian points you repeat:
“…this heartache… this fear of being alone… this anxiety.
“…Even though I can’t seem to get over him, I love and forgive myself anyway.”
Tap on your feelings of envy and hopelessness seeing all the love tokens everywhere on Valentine’s Day. Tap on all your feelings and let the tears fall if necessary.
What set this up?
As I explain in my book You Can Break Free Fast EFT Tapping…
The key is to find the trigger that set it up.
Ask: “WHAT SET THIS UP?” as you continue to tap on your EFT meridian points.
Look for a Younger Self – usually in childhood but also possibly in your teens – when something similar happened (emotionally speaking) that is triggering intense feelings of heartbreak, loneliness or abandonment.
Expect a “break-free-aha” that might cause tears as you release the past traumatic or intense memory to help you break-free now.
Then, still tapping, send love and comfort to your Inner Child/Younger Self from your present-day Adult Self.
EFT tapping reinforces the power of healing your pain now as you comfort and reassure your Inner Child from back then.
But keep in mind that she still lives within you and you can listen to her wants and needs NOW.
The most powerful advance on EFT – namely Matrix Reimprinting – allows you to step into the scene, introduce yourself and with EFT tapping and dialogue and move your Inner Child through the early trauma and help her REIMPRINT a new empowering memory of SELF LOVE with new beliefs internally in the brain, body cells, heart and energy field.
YOU CAN HUG YOUR INNER CHILD IN THE MEMORY – AND IMAGINE HUGGING HER RIGHT NOW.
IT WILL MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE.
Try this second method – different from EFT tapping – which also accesses the hurting Inner Child.
Try writing and drawing with your non-dominant hand while dialoguing between Adult You and your Inner Child.
I learned from the work of Lucia Cappachione whose books, including “The Creative Journal” and “Your Other Hand” revolutionized my understanding of myself and my “INNER CHILD”.
Get a blank page journal or simply sit on the floor with a large piece of paper and some pens and crayons. Take a crayon, pencil or pen and start a dialogue with your Inner Child. Your dominant hand speaks for the Adult You. Your other-hand replies from the Child Self.
RIGHT HAND: Hullo Little One. You seem unhappy. I can feel you crying inside… I am hear to listen to you and comfort you… tell me what is upsetting you – how can I help you?
LEFT HAND – Start writing a reply with the non-dominant hand which is accessing the emotional side of the brain providing a way to tap into your Younger Self’s feelings.
It may feel strange and difficult at first but persevere and keep swapping hands to really listen to what she is feeling and NEEDS from you right now.
Let her draw a picture. You will be amazed and what is revealed and communicated. And how much better you will feel as you connect and integrate her into your life.
Build trust with this Younger Self. Embrace and hug her as you close your eyes and imagine holding her close.
Promise her she is NOT ALONE because she has YOU to take care of her.
I guarantee you a leap forward in feeling stronger and more self-confident about coping with a break-up after this because your vulnerable Child within feels comforted and loved BY YOU.
Best of all – as February 14th approaches you will have the secret of how to be alone yet happy on Valentine’s Day by giving your Inner Child a hug and doing something special for her that makes you both feel good.