In life you get two kinds of people – GIVERS and TAKERS. Everybody wears one of two T-shirts. The Taker’s T-shirt has “What Can I Get?” written on the front. Givers have: “What Can I Do To Help?”
Who do YOU attract?
If you have a pattern so far in your relationships of attracting the Takers into your life – then know that is definitely a pattern you want to stop and say NO! to for the future. You need to ask the following question as set out in my Break-Free Fast Formula: “What set this up? Who might I have learned this from?” And then use a clearing technique like Matrix Reimprinting using EFT to break free.
How to Break Free
In a Matrix Reimprinting session for example, you would look for the ECHOs or Energy Consciousness Holograms in your past (your Younger Selves) who attracted or ended up with Takers. Then going back in time to your earliest years (in utero to age 6) you would check for the recognition of someone who reminds you of either the Giver or Taker and how you are repeating their pattern…your mother? your father? or someone close to you who “taught you” by example to give, give, give.
Beware these Types
According to the gifted family psychotherapist Virginia Satir people often fall into five groups or categories: Levelers, Blamers, Placaters, Super-Reasonables and Distractors. As a woman looking for love and your true soul-mate, it is really useful to review your relationships up to this point and ask which type you have most attracted into your life.
Levelers will tell you what’s going on with them in a straightforward way, and they will listen to you compassionately if you level with them. They’re easy to be around, because they know that when people level with each other their natural love and goodness will come forth. They know that having a good time and helping others have a good time is what life’s all about. Every moment they get the same choice everybody else does–the choice between love and creating melodramas based on fear–and they choose love.
Blamers think you’re responsible for their pain, and won’t take any responsibility for the pain they create. They believe that the one who finds the most fault wins. You can’t win with a Blamer. They can even drive you crazy doubting yourself as they brain wash you into wondering: “hey, maybe he’s right – maybe I AM to blame here…I’ll try better next time”. In which case you risk becoming a Placater.
Placaters are always looking to please, but it’s a desire to please that’s based on fear. They’re afraid of disapproval, so they do whatever they can to avoid it. Usually they sacrifice their relationship with themselves in the service of pleasing others, then they feel a deep resentment about the sacrifice. They are the chameleons of the relationship world…you never know quite what their true color is, nor do they.
Super-Reasonables are cut off from their feelings, believing that cool logic is the only way to operate. They pooh-pooh emotions, they’re convinced they’re right about all things, and they spend a lot of their time trying to convince you of it. They’re a pain to be around.
Distractors are always changing the subject and creating uproars. If they can’t win, they like to mess up the game so nobody else can. They believe the person who creates the biggest drama wins, regardless of who loses in the process. They’re also a pain to be around. Some people are combinations of two or more of the above.
Take Back Your Power
The point is, by midlife you need to take back your power, and say no from now on to a potential partner who might fall into any of the above types – unless he’s a Leveller. Of course, look inside yourself too and make up your mind to balance Giving and Taking; and to admit where you have been guilty of acting like a Blamer, Placator, Distractor or Super-Reasonable.